wtf...

Fuck her, fuck them. I can't believe that these past few months have gone almost completely wasted due to that whore. She can suck all the dicks she wants that dumb bitch.

On some more deep shit. I came around to a few realizations. One being that I am looked upon by everyone as a bitch. Another thing that I cannot believe I'm saying bit it's true. There comes a time in a mans life that he needs to keep his foot down and stand for what he wants to do instead of what some dude wants him to do. Not that I care much about what people think, but it comes to a point where EVERYONE around you views you as a little bitch... a little girl. FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Summer '09 bulk up starts now. Ya digg?

A new month, a new start? No...

Fuck. It's a new month but I still can't completely get you out of my mind. I have these days where I just feel... never thought I would actually say it but yeah... Depressed. It fucking sucks. Why am I like this now? Perhaps it is because my insecurities are getting a hold of me. I think that might be it. Everyone around me is so happy. I need something... or one.

my mind went blank ...

March...

The month where reality was indeed better than my dreams. You made me become a different person, more inside than out but a better person nonetheless. I didn't think it could happen but I loved you. I was so sure that O killed it for me, but no, you came into my life and completely flipped it upside down... in a good way. In the beginning it was a little hard for me since I still felt the remnants of the shit a few months prior, but over time it got better. I grew to love you for everything you gave me, for everything you were. This feeling I had was hard to hold in, but I did. I only showed it when I needed to. Perhaps I didn't show it enough, or too much. I guess that question will never be answered. I knew things were crumbling a few months before "the end". It killed me, but I knew that it would only bring me lessons learned and new experiences.

I was taken back by what you did to me. Why? Why not be honest. I had instilled so much trust in you and out the window that went. Lesson learned. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I cannot let go yet. Here I am 5 months later and still dwelling the subject. The pictures in my head are somewhat bearable now but still hurt. I don't know if I will be able to trust fully again, but knowing myself, this feeling will probably dissipate soon. It's easy for me to say you are a cold hearted bitch, but I loved you, and I know you loved me.

"It's almost like you had it planned, it's like you smiled and shook my hand and said hey, I'm about to screw you over big time."

You remember that wonderful song? I guess that was a foretelling of what's to come.

You lying cunt.

Fuck off.